Positive is my middle name, I can see the bright side even in a deep dark hole. But as I sit in my empty flat, my mind wonders down the path of how I got to where I am today. In the light of day is it really the life I want?
To be blunt, I’m a 32-year-old women, with a muffin top even muffins would be envious of! I own a business which doesn’t make money and medico job, in a business I have dedicated nine years of my life to.
Recently my ability to polish a turd has worn off and I’m tired of being positive; these last six months have been emotionally hard for me and I want to share with you why (please be kind).
Wishing for the mundane
Niki and I have reached a stage where we need to live together to progress as a couple, but job locations haven’t yet allowed this to happen. While living apart can be exciting, sitting on the sofa on a Sunday evening discussing the mundane is how I want my normal to be.
Ignoring my health
My muffin top has turned into a whole tray bake! Despite joining David Lloyd Club at the start of the year, I contracted the horrible flu which knocked me out for two months and since then I’ve found it hard to get back into a routine. I’ve made excuse after excuse to not go and piled on the blog work, so I didn’t have to think about health.
Fearing the worst
The Harrogate Girl brings me so much joy, but fear and lack of confidence has set in recently. I started my blog as a means to share my life and also practice my writing skills because I’ve never been very good at it. The fear that someone would notice my biggest weakness scares me stupid and I feel unworthy and not good enough to be a blogger. I don’t get very many negative comments; I’m truely stocked when I recieve beautiful messages, but there are those comments that are so nasty they cut straight through you like a punch in the stomach. No matter how many others tell you you are good that one comment can break you and I ask myself if I have a thick enough skin for a job like this?
Most of all, in the last six months I’ve let my relationships dwindle. Quality time with my friends and family has been last on my list because I’ve been fitting in reviews and blogger events in between seeing Niki. It’s also hard for friends to understand my lifestyle. The Harrogate Girl is a part of my life, it’s not everything I do, but it’s certainly the fun bits. I often feel people don’t really ask about me anymore, they think they know because they’ve seen me on social. So instead of asking about how I am or how my weekend was they say, ‘saw you were at another review this weekend.’
Stop and make a change
All the the above has taken quite a toll on how I feel.
It’s only now as I stop to reflect that I recognise I need to make a change. I don’t have access to that magic wand and at the end of the day, I will still be that 32-year-old, in a one bed apartment, juggling a business, with a full-time job but I hope to create more balance in my life.
The Life Compass
It was something my Financial Life Planner, Peter, said to me that has really stuck with me. Imagine a compass and at each of the four points are these four areas of your life:
To live your life to its fullest and to ensure you hold your values strongly you have to keep centred; balancing of all four points. For a time, it’s OK to focus on one area but it’s not sustainable for the long term.
So, I’ve written down under each heading what’s important to me and keep them equally balanced. I know my two hardest for me will be health and relationships, so I’m going to schedule time for these the most.
Therefore, I may be quite on the old blog but that doesn’t mean I’m not working on it. I may be missing from social media but I’m spending time with the people who give me strength. I may be changing but change is good. And, I’ll be looking at how I can strengthen my weaknesses to ensure I keep balanced to help me feel happier.