relationships and being single

Many people think I am extremely fussy and a picky dater… maybe that’s true but I was once one of those who had relationship goals. I see so many lovely pictures of couples on social media with #RelationshipGoals as a tag – why? Are we striving for perfection, acceptance, love? This got me thinking; shouldn’t relationship goals be less about the other person and more about you?

You can’t love someone else unless you love yourself

Now, I know I said I used to be one of those who had relationship goals. I was 28, and in my head I wanted a husband, a nice house, a beautiful family and a great car (I love cars!). I was nearly there but I realised I wasn’t happy. Something was fundamentally wrong in my relationship and I couldn’t carry on. This is when I understood what my relationship goal should be; to be the best version of myself. There’s a saying; you can’t love someone else unless you love yourself. And I’m beginning to see the truth in this.

Why are you single?

Often we use all our energy trying to avoid being ‘alone.’ It’s that age old question ‘Why are you single?’. ‘A lovely girl like you shouldn’t be alone’. I got into a relationship for the conventional pat on the back, because that’s what society says you’re supposed to do as an adult.

The past two years of my life I have completely re-evaluated everything and now I feel I’m in a place which is worlds away from the 28 year old lass. My values have become stronger and I truly understand what I believe in. My day to day life has changed too; I’ve always loved my job, but with more responsibility it’s meant I love it even more. Blogging has been a key learning in my career and I now feel I have my very own specialism. I have managed to buy my own little bit of bliss and to just be able to put my very own key in my very own front door is a pleasure to do every single day. I also treated myself to a very smart VW Polo. My first car was a Polo so it was like finding an old friend. I put my mind to this as achieved it and this made me very happy. But with this new found happiness, came the feeling of gratitude and contentment. Independence is a privilege; I feel very lucky to be in my position and comfortable in my new surroundings. Am I too comfortable? Will he rock my boat of calm? I might have to write a second blog on those questions!

I don’t want to share it with just anybody

Anyway, I think a worthy goal to strive for, is to become a person you’d like, if you were introduced to yourself. Often, we attract what we put out there, and if we are the kind of people we’d want to meet, we would cut through a lot of clutter, right? And so, now that I feel settled in my life, I don’t want to share it with just anybody. I have a great set of friends whom I love dearly and share my life with, but there’s still a lot more of me to be shared, and it’s personal, only for that special someone whom I will share myself fully with.

dating-or being a long

The more comfortable I become with my values and life decisions the less I feel the need to defend them; and so maybe people view this as picky, meh! As far as relationship goals go, I think I have the ability to offer an interesting, vibrant lifestyle with love and laughter being at the forefront. With that I hope I can evoke in someone feelings he’s never thought possible, excitement of the unknown and contentment to just be in the moment.

Choosing to be with a man out of fear of being alone is a slap in the face to what love is

So I’ve decided the most important relationship is the one with yourself; and if you like yourself, you’ll never be alone.

Not everyone who is single is lonely; not everyone who is taken is in love

If you like this post you’ll love my post about being single in January. Read more here.

With Love Victoria


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